Summertime Priorities

Well, June is finally here, and school’s out for summer. I have to use that phrase loosely, however, since summer breaks have become so brief even Alice Cooper can’t find much to sing about. The mad rush parents now experience, as they try to fit some semblance of vacation into this wisp of time, is one I might easily overlook were it not for my sister’s experiences, since I was never blessed with children.

Okay, I’ll admit, I’m using the word blessed a little loosely, too. I often feel blessed that I didn’t reproduce. Aside from the obvious cliché, the world is better off without another one like me; I’m really not sure what kind of parent I would have been. It’s such a challenge for me just to take care of myself the way I should. Heaven knows how I would have nurtured a child.

I did get a brief glimpse on one beautiful June day years ago, when my now 16-year-old nephew was only a 2-year-old toddler, and my sister asked me to watch him for her. I thought we had a marvelous day, until my sister showed up and asked what I had fed him.

"Uh, fed him?" I stammered. "He . . . he didn’t say anything about being hungry."

Come on. Give me a break. We were running and playing all day, and I didn’t get hungry. I go without eating all the time, especially when it’s June and summer bathing suit season! Am I right, ladies? Back me up here!

I actually thought I was going to be off the hook for it with my sister, but then she pulled out all the stops and asked what I had given him to drink. The look on my face obviously spoke volumes. “You did give him a drink, didn’t you?!” She exclaimed. “Did YOU go all day without a drink?!”

Busted! She had me there, although I do have to confess that I now realize, even though I’ve never gone completely without fluids, I’ve probably never consumed enough water in any given day. I'm probably not alone in this. We really don't take the best care, not even, of ourselves.

I share all this, not only to ensure no one will ever ask me to babysit, but also to confess to you that the Leadership Coaching work I now do comes not from a smug place of conceited perfectionism, but rather from a place of humility and learning from my own mistakes. In order to coach women and men alike to make better choices, both personally and professionally, I’ve had to first learn to do that myself. In fact, I’m still learning.

Every day I’m still working to overcome some obstacle, either real or imagined, that might prevent me from fulfilling all my potential, attracting abundance, experiencing joy, and spreading peace. We are the leaders of our own lives, personally and professionally, and if we’re not intentionally working to improve our leadership skills in that regard, we can be quite sure we’re not creating optimal results.

But, trust me, I’ve come a long way from the days I starved myself and my dehydrated nephew. And so can you. I’d love to help you begin that journey. In order to continually enhance my ability to do so, I’m developing a new program. I call it PE2 (pronounced P-E-squared), which is shorthand for Prioritize, Economize, Exercise.

I’ll be writing and blogging about it regularly from this point forward, and I sincerely hope you’ll be able to benefit from that effort. I especially hope you’ll respond to my blogs or email me through the contact page of my website to let me know how this helps you and what specific obstacles you face.

One thing I've learned is that our greatest ministry (or means of helping others) often comes out of our greatest struggles. I’m so pleased to see my own struggles redeemed in this new program. I eagerly look forward to helping you redeem yours, too!

Reflections on Recent Tragedies

January has already been an interesting month for me, although not for the reasons I ever expected. Normally January of every year is consumed with activities related to resolution-making and goal-setting and then trying to keep those oft ill-fated resolutions and goals. In that regard, this January has been no exception. But in today’s world of unrest, it’s been impossible, I imagine, for even the most self-absorbed individuals to ignore happenings out in the world and maintain a completely inward focus. Try though we might, our focus continues to be drawn outward. And, I’d have to say, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. But, sadly, some of what’s attracting our attention is very bad indeed.

I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m referring to the tragic earthquake in Haiti, the indiscriminate devastation, the horrendous loss of life, the woefully inadequate medical and humanitarian response, the continuing disintegration of a country and its people, and the prospect of continued suffering and death. Yes, there’s no denying, this is a very, very bad situation that’s consuming a great deal of our thoughts and energies.

But that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

So, maybe you think, if I’m not talking about that attention-grabber, perhaps I’m referring to something else. Maybe you think I’m referring to the two wars on foreign soil in which we continue to sacrifice young American men and women. It’s true, most of us are directly touched by this situation. I have a brother-in-law preparing to return to Iraq in just days, leaving behind a nine- and fifteen-year-old son to worry about what the rest of their lives might be like, God forbid, without a father. And we have a young man from our church who’s on the frontlines in Afghanistan. I read his Facebook entries, and, although I can literally hear this war shaping him into a man with each passing day, I can still hear the hopes and fears of a boy. Relatively speaking, he is just a boy, really. Only a little more than a year out of high school, and now he is protecting me and my freedom? I understand that’s just the way it works. But, I’m sorry, as far as I’m concerned, the fact that we live in a world where that is just the way it works is something I consider very, very bad.

Nevertheless, when I say in this blog that there are very bad situations in the world that are drawing an inordinate amount of our attention, that’s not even what I’m referring to.

Okay, I’ll give you one last chance. If I’m not talking about a devastating earthquake or never-ending wars and rumors of wars, maybe you think I’m referring to this divisive presidency we now have. Not that every other presidency we’ve ever had in this country hasn’t eventually grown into an increasingly divisive situation, but, with the exception of anti-war demonstrations, this is the first time in my lifetime that I can recall actual public demonstrations, innocuously named “Tea Parties,” although there was no tea and, if you ask me, it wasn’t much of a party. And let’s not forget the near brawls when various congressmen and senators conducted district meetings regarding new healthcare legislation. Given those scenes and the visceral emotions displayed, I know how dangerous it is for me to even get near the subject of politics, so please graciously accept my admission to you here and now that I simply hate partisan politics. And it’s not just politics. I hate partisan anything. The irrational, ugly, and sometimes downright mean-spirited behavior we’ve seen lately, especially when it comes to taxes and healthcare, in my humble opinion, is not how an effective democracy would operate. To me, it’s a very, very bad situation in our country today.

However, that’s also not exactly what I’m referring to when I say there are bad situations getting too much attention…but it’s getting close. It’s a good segue. Let me illustrate the point I want to make today with another story.

My sister’s husband (the one who’s going to Iraq and is as red-white-and-blue-blooded American Republican as they come) drives over one-hundred miles round-trip from their home to Fort Campbell every day, and recently decided to purchase a Honda Hybrid in order to save on gas and money. Shortly thereafter, my nine-year-old nephew’s best friend, Tyler, came over to play. Upon returning home, Tyler, who has been my nephew’s BFF since kindergarten, stared up at his mom with a deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes and said, “Mom, I’m not sure I can be Dane’s friend anymore!”

“What on earth are you talking about, Tyler?” inquired his shocked mom, who is also one of my sister’s closest friends.

“I’m not sure I can be friends with him,” he explained, “because his dad is a Democrat!”

“A Democrat!” she exclaimed, “He’s not a Democrat! What makes you think he’s a Democrat?”

“Well,” he said, “because he drives a hybrid!”

Okay, excuse me for just a second while I get this off my chest….oh, puh-leeeeze! This child is nine-years-old! Don’t get me wrong, I love his mother. She’s a wonderful first-grade teacher, plus she’s a hoot to be around and just an all-around wonderful person. So I’m not throwing stones at her. But do we really think this is okay…for even our children—the few left among us that we could once point to as being the last humans who were completely accepting and loving of all—to have become partisan?! Where are they learning this behavior, if not from us?

But then, should we really expect anything else? When we have a so-called spiritual leader spouting off in the national and international media that the Haitians brought this earthquake on themselves…that somehow they deserved it…thus turning this tragedy into another partisan issue.

We have a so-called republican leader saying that our president is only pretending to care about the Haitians, because it will make him look good, and urging people not to help him by contributing aid…thus turning our nation’s efforts to help a suffering people into yet another partisan issue.

And what I think is probably worst of all is that one side of the partisan divide has now laid claim to Christianity and morality. It seems to have snuck up on us, but now we’re into it up to our necks—Republicans have claimed ownership of faith. If you’re not Republican, well, I hope you like warm weather because I hear it’s pretty hot in hell.

Stop and think, people! What are we doing? Faith is now a partisan issue in this country. War is a partisan issue. Healthcare is partisan. What kind of car you drive is partisan. Even my nine-year-old nephew’s friends has become a partisan issue. There is absolutely nothing left in this country on which we have not drawn the battle lines. And we’re ruining our children.

Do you need more proof? Here’s another story, coming, ironically, from Tyler’s mom.

She has a little boy in her first-grade class named Wesley. Slight, frail, and freckle-faced, his pale-skin is even more distinct in contrast to his shiny red hair. Wesley is a sweet and, what you might call, nervous child. He’s the type, she explains, who, if he even suspects he might have done something wrong, will just come and confess it, trembling and stuttering all the while…too scared to confess, but too scared not to. This week we celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day. So, knowing this Monday off from school was approaching, Wesley’s teacher decided to teach her first-graders about the reasons we now recognize this man with a national holiday. On the preceding Friday, she gathered the children, read to them about MLK, explained that they would not be coming to school on Monday because we would be celebrating the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday, and then dismissed them to play. Within minutes, she looked up to see nervous little Wesley walking sheepishly toward her desk.

Wringing his hands, his eyes darting all around as if trying to avoid making direct contact with hers, Wesley stammered, “Uh, uh, Miss Terry, uh, I was just wondering, uh, should I just come to school on Monday?”

Surprised, she responded, “Why, no, Wesley! I just explained to you that you don’t come to school on Monday because we’ll be celebrating MLK Day.”

“Uh, yeah, uh, yeah, I know, Miss Terry. I, I know that’s what you said, but, uh, well, uh, in my family, uh, well, uh, well, we don’t actually celebrate that holiday.” He suddenly spit out the final phrase like jerking a band-aid from a wound.

“So…should I just come on to school, Miss Terry?”

It was all she could do to keep from laughing as she tried to further explain.

I’ll admit I laughed, too, at both the story about her nine-year-old son’s reaction to my brother-in-law’s hybrid and her student Wesley’s reaction to the Martin Luther King holiday. But when I stop to reflect on why these types of situations are occurring with our children, it’s no laughing matter. I can’t even begin to imagine what that six-year-old little boy had heard in his house that made him afraid to go home and tell his parents that he was not going to school on Monday because he was celebrating Martin Luther King! In our country, we have gone so far as to even take a human being who sacrificed his life for the fair treatment of others—much like Jesus Christ who gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone—and that, too, we have made into a partisan issue.

Can we please just stop the madness? I’m tired of being afraid that the wrong person will find out and railroad or ostracize me for my politics or my faith…a faith, which, just so you know, is the guiding principle and the foundation for every single position, decision, or action I take…a faith that calls for unconditional love, acceptance, mercy, grace, compassion, and forgiveness…a faith that is open to all. No matter how hard people in our country try to make my faith a partisan issue, it is not one. And, if we’d all just come to our senses, neither would anything else be.